Screw Your Holiday Eating Strategy, and Christmas Ain’t Over

A brief rant is forthcoming, but first of all, I hope you are enjoying a wonderful holiday season.

Yes, that’s present tense (no pun intended). You know what drives me bonkers? The screeching halt of Christmas when we hit midnight on December 25. The 12 Days of Christmas isn’t just a catchy song title. Christmas starts on Christmas Eve and runs into January, to what Mom always referred to as Old Christmas (and my father referred to our practice of sometimes leaving the tree up until Valentine’s Day as “ancient Christmas,” but that’s another story altogether). People always acted as though I were insane for getting my tree a week before Christmas and then leaving it up until January. Frankly, I don’t get it. People in my neighborhood were dumping out their trees at nine a.m. the day after Christmas. I know some people who take the tree down on Christmas Day. I mean, do you throw out all the leftovers right after Thanksgiving dinner, or do you continue to enjoy them for a few days? If someone can put their decorations up a month before Christmas, I think I can leave mine up a few weeks after. It just makes sense.

Why on earth do people have this huge buildup to a holiday so that it can end at the stroke of midnight? The radio stations started blaring Christmas music at Halloween, but come midnight on December 25, it’s back to all popcrap, all the time. If we’re going to have such a build up, let’s have a longer letdown, shall we? (Sidenote: If I heard that friggin Wilson Phillips song one more time, I would have blown a hole into my stereo. I guess that’s something to be thankful for.)

The other thing that has had me in a swivet is all the magazines/websites/TV shows that have been oh-so-helpfully telling me how to stay on my diet during the holidays and how to eat my holiday meals so that I don’t consume too many calories.

Bite me.

Really? The biggest eating days of the year I’m going to count calories. Right. Sure. Oh! I can have one bite of a pie! Please. Spare me.

I don’t give a crap about calories from October-January. Here’s how it goes: my birthday->State Fair->Halloween->Thanksgiving->Christmas->New Year->Stressful Return to Work. These occasions call for food. I cope by trying to work out more up until Christmas, at which point I give up until the new year and normal routine can be resumed. You know what else? I usually lose weight over Christmas because I am so damn busy. So, media? Cram it.

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